How fatherhood (and Dads Rock) changed Alamgir’s life

When the 36-year-old senior analyst at a bank watched or read news stories about children affected by war, poverty or disease he found himself wondering ‘what if that was my son?’

Alamgir said, “I get emotional whenever I see anything on the news to do with kids or parenting. My son’s birth changed my whole perspective on life.

“I would see and read about this kind of stuff before I became a parent and while it made me sad, it tends to go over your head to be honest. But because I’ve become a dad it’s opened my eyes.”

Arham, now 2, was Alamgir’s first child. Like many fathers-to-be, the Edinburgh man experienced a mixture of excitement and anxiety in the months before the birth.

Alamgir said, “Prior to Arham’s birth and even after he was born, the health visitors and nurses we saw tended to ask questions that were more about whether the mother was OK, how she was getting along. I understand that approach of course. But as a dad I felt I was in the background, a bit of a passenger really.”

When a friend – a new father whose son is six months older than Arham – told him about an antenatal group run by a National Lottery-funded project called Dads Rock, Alamgir was intrigued. He added, “Initially I thought you might have to share some personal stuff about you or your family, so I was a bit hesitant. But when I went, I found it’s a group full of people who are becoming first-time parents or already have a child. They talk about things you don’t learn from reading a textbook. Sometimes you need to be shown something or hear about other people’s experiences.”

Now, two years after Arham’s birth, Alamgir happily shares his experiences with men who attend Dads Rock’s Tuesday evening group. He said, “It’s a group of dads where no one is going to judge you...you’re all in the same boat.”

Alamgir has also taken advantage of a group chat set up by Dads Rock. He said, “I can post questions and ask people if they’ve come across this kind of thing before. Nine times out of ten I’ll get a reply from someone who has experienced what I’m experiencing. It’s almost like a Google search. And while you can’t believe everything you read online, this is a more direct source – other dads who have real experience of parenting.”

When a few of his friends announced they were about to become fathers, Alamgir suggested they get in touch with Dads Rock. He said, “I’d recommend it to any dad I come across who needs a bit of help. Sometimes men don’t want to admit that fatherhood can be a bit of a frightening prospect. But I’d say, ‘Come to the classes, speak to the other dads’. It will put your mind at rest that you’re not alone.”

2nd June 2023